I shared this story a few weeks ago with my Love Letter Subscribers – so if that’s you, you might want to skip ahead to the update. I wasn’t going to share it here at first because, well on the web seemed TOO public to go with it, but the amazing response from those who got the email encouraged me to share it with you too.
This year has been my most successful in terms of my little business. (You know, the business formally known as Studio Exsto, but now Elle Roberts.)
This year the Artful Business Conference was an incredible event that the attendees raved about. The action people have taken since fills me with joy and pride.
However, if you look at my finances, or ask me how I feel about this year, I’d have to say it has been a huge failure.
The conference cost me personally around $20,000. The total budget was around $85,000 – the $20K is the loss I incurred.
To put that into clear perspective my annual income for the 2012-2013 financial year was about $19,000.
A two-day event for 120 people cost me MORE than the previous year’s income.
What was I thinking?
I love the Artful Business Conference and I am epically proud of the impact it has had for the people who have come along for the last three years!
But seriously, what was I thinking!?
The financial pressure, the overwhelming stress and the ongoing hiccups involved in this event have burnt me out.
For the last three months I have lived on the verge of tears, I have hated waking up and going to the office most mornings (which is heartbreaking in itself because I have always loved my work). I am not sleeping or eating or exercising as well as I know I need to. I am watching too much shit TV and I am feeling sad and sorry for myself all too often.
I have been running on EMPTY! So why am I sharing this? Not so you feel bad for me, but so I can share with you the good things that have come from the toughest few months of my life.
Here are the valuable lessons I have learnt these past months;
Success can come hand in hand with failure
I feel that the ABC failed because it put me in a whopping big financial hole, but I know others see it as an incredible success. I know I still have to find a way to acknowledge that.
Find a way to take small steps
The bigger the mountain, the harder the challenge, the more overwhelmed you get; the more important it is to set yourself little, achievable goals. When it all gets too much and too big the only way not to lose your mind or freeze totally is to take small steps and celebrate them along the way.
It’s more than ok to ask for help
Asking for help is a gift to those around you. Being a strong, independent, tough young single mum I don’t like to lean on people. But that’s unfair not only to myself but the people who love me. I have some seriously amazing people around me and they want to help, they need me to let them in so they can support me. I love helping and supporting those around me so why have I been so stubborn about letting others do the same back?
The big dream can wait sometimes
It’s OK to side step your dream for a little while. I am a business coach and I help people build a more successful business, but I am currently looking for a part time job. I beat myself up about this for weeks, agonised over it, considered how I could ensure the world, social media and you never found out (because how embarrassing). But I have realised it is OK to take a side step away from the bigger picture for a while and deal with the now.
I tell my clients all the time, it’s ok to be driven by external circumstances, it’s ok to make choices based solely around money and what your family needs right now. The important thing is to have a plan to get back to the path you are meant to be on. I want to grow my business a certain way, I don’t want to hustle for the next sale over and over but instead focus on the long game, bigger projects. I want to write and connect not sell. But right now I need to pay bills, rent and groceries so a part time job will allow me the freedom to do all of those things and I finally feel comfortable with that.
A day at the beach can restore your soul
Because of all of the things I’ve shared so far, I’ve also had very little down time these past few months. If I’m not managing event follow up, I’m busting a gut to get client work done so I can send out invoices. I’m doing work I can do but don’t love so I can pay the bills – that’s OK, it has to be done. But I was running on empty. So, last week I took two days OFF. I was off line, out of town and with a wonderful man who makes me smile. It restored my soul (or went a long to doing it anyway). This week I have had more energy, more focus and more resolve to get past this dip in the road and build on the successes.
So what now?
I know this year has been tough in a lot of various ways for a lot of people and so I wanted to share these lessons with you. If you are in a dip, I urge you to trust the journey, even if this low feels deeper and wider, know that you will come out the other end. And you will be even more amazing on the other side of it.
I’m still feeling a little lost in the grey but I am starting to see my way around the mountain and it’s only because I am being kind to myself, letting others help and taking some time out to breathe.
THE UPDATE
I have started a job – it’s almost full time but not quite. I will be working in an office 8-3 five days a week, which is more than I wanted to be doing but the job was too good to say no to. I get to use my skills of business planning, organising and setting up processes as well as marketing, design and a bit of web development stuff while at the same time it is low pressure, low stress and a decent pay check at the end of each week.
Today was Day 2 of my second week and I already feel the fog lifting. I am enjoying the routine, the certainty and the hum of the office full of people for a change from my solo office at the other end of my house.
I am giving myself time to settle in so not making any decisions about the business until the new year but at this stage I feel that this job is actually going to free me up to do the work I want to be doing, stop saying yes to the crazy stressful jobs and work on the long game of my business and goals.
I am tired, still a little nervous about it all but so very excited for what 2015 will bring.
Good on you elle! Funnily enough, I have been in a similar boat and earlier in the year, made the decision to commit to more days in the office and less time pursuing my passion. Sounds sad, but I have felt more involved and connected with my day job and as a result, it feels more rewarding. I’m taking some time to work out what my focus is as I feel my passion is changing and evolving. Keep on telling yourself ” where you are right now, is exactly where you are supposed to be.” Good luck with the juggling act 🙂
Oh Elle you have no idea how much I love this post. I’m in the same boat; I’m now working fulltime as an EA at a CBD hotel in Brisbane. Luckily it has a large project management/marketing/communications focus as opposed to pure secretarial work but still – I loved working for myself but I only made about $22k last financial year and so much of that got eaten by driving back from the Tablelands for meetings; we were living up there for my partners’ work. We absolutely loved it – but had to give it up and go somewhere we’d both have decent earning opportunities. I hate that what I love doing has had to take a backburner but it had to be done and I think you’re right in that ultimately despite being chained to someone else’s business for many hours of the week, ultimately it will help mine too. So much of what I did last year / this year (outside some key projects of course) was stuff I had to agree to do just to make some money; now I don’t have that “make ends meet” pressure I can be more selective, spend time working out what I really want to do etc.
Thanks for writing this, Elle. I’m sure you will help a lot of people, especially women, who feel tremendous pressure to convince the world at large that their business is thriving, successful, and most of all lucrative, when this often isn’t the case and behind the scenes they are stressed out and over it. I think this situation is much more common than we know. There’s nothing wrong with trying different things and different ways of working, and it’s great that we live in a time where we have so many tools at our disposal to make working and running businesses more flexible than in the past. As for my own experience, I am a tree-changer. my husband and I left Melbourne and moved to the country, and I opened a homewares shop. I loved the business but it never made any money and after giving it three years I decided to close it and move on with something else. In some ways I felt like a failure, but in others I was proud that I gave it a go, when so many people spend their lives going “I’d love to do {whatever}, but …”. I have gone back to the kind of work I did before, but I’m lucky enough that I can work on contract, I don’t work all the time, and I have a lot more variety in my work than I did in the past, so I feel like I have a second wind in my “career”. Perhaps I will start another small business at some stage but for now there’s no rush. I believe we all just have to find a way of working that suits us, and this will change over time, and that’s OK. Thanks again for posting this, and I’m glad you’re enjoying your new job.
Elle thank you for sharing your story.
It can be hard to put yourself first (really hard in fact) and stop pushing blindly onwards trying to fix a problem. Good on you for having the courage to acknowledge that something was wrong and come up with a workable solution.
Your job sounds perfect for you! I hope it works out well for you, and I hope that there’s a solution that means that ABC2015 can happen and be profitable (because it really is amazing!)
Cheers,
Lynda.
you lady are my dead set. Remember in all this as I do that the ultimate goal is love and a great bit of advice that good doc’s avow to and live by and should tell us all more often is the mantra of meting each day with the ideal…
” to do least harm” go forward with that truly and I reckon we are on the right side of the light/dark balance x