I’m not a very jealous person generally. I love my life, my work and for the most part I am pretty okay with me too.
But from time to time, and more lately, I feel that pang of spite and anger when I should be happy for someone else but instead feel incredibly jealous. How often do feel green with envy?
My natural reaction is then to feel guilty and beat myself up for it, but I got some amazing advice from a special lady a few years ago and I want to share it with you.
Jenn Lee is a creative entrepreneur, author of the amazing Right Brain Business Plan and a super fabulous human being to boot! She spoke at the Artful Business Conference back in 2012 and the one thing that has stuck most in my mind is the way she talked about switching your dialogue around jealousy and how to make it a good thing in your life.
Jenn tends to come across as a very calm, almost zen like, gentle soul so when she said she was a very jealous person I almost fell off my chair! You are WHAT now?!
But she went on to say she is ok with that because she doesn’t allow herself to stay angry. Instead she uses this feeling to fuel her passion and her drive forward.
“If I’m jealous of a friend for publishing a book, I obviously need to put focus into getting my book finished and published.”
It was one of the biggest light bulb moments of my life.
If you are jealous and angry for someone when you know you should be happy, what is it about what they have that you want? How can you work to make that happen for yourself? What steps can you take now to get closer to it?
Seems so simple right – and yet I found it so profound. I would just stay angry and look away! Now I reflect it back on myself. Why am I mad and what is it that I want?
It is so much more productive and useful, and it can be a seriously powerful motivator.
Love this post Elle. Jenn is so right, I’ve been trying to do this as well as other things, as I can be a jealous person.
Mainly around business, not so much around people I personally know.
I’ve been trying to stop myself, as I don’t know them personally. I don’t know if they worked almost every waking moment and night to get this success, etc, etc… Goes with the whole, people show what they want to show and I am all for that! I got a little shocked when someone thought I was organised, and have it all together. I felt funny that I had come across like this. I’m always one big ball of mess, I forget everything, my house is clean, but not perfect…. But I love my life, I truly do. SURE the memory thing would be awesome, being organised would be a BONUS.
I read a blog and they share their perfectly clean kitchen, eat of the bench clean, makes me go and scrub my kitchen, no lie, haha! So in a way, I guess that’s so much ‘green eyed monster’ it’s a motivator.
Elise Blaha mentioned that when she is feeling the jealousy, she un-follows that blog, profile etc. I found that rather interesting, taking away what you can’t see.
Thanks for your comment Kellie and yes I left that out but I find if the jealousy is upsetting me rather than motivating me I will unfollow someone, even if just for a while. Resentment isn’t useful.
Like you I love my life and I am happy with the direction in which my life is headed. When it comes to my business and being a creative I am naturally one to keep my head down and just get things done. When I do look up and get inspired by others, encouraged by others and generally motivated to continue what I’m doing. Like Kellie said, I too get excited and happy for others for their successes, for the creativity, for good things that go their way. But every now and then I do get a visit from the green eyed monster. I’m only human right?? I find that monster a great motivator. It’s the same when I receive criticism. Again, a great motivator. These things haven’t always been vechiles of motivation for me though. Once upon a time they would turn me into stone. They would literally paralyse me into NOT taking the next step, into NOT moving forward, and the worst of all, NOT believing in myself. All of these things, or should I say mind sets are show stoppers for people like us in the creative world. We have to keep moving. We have to continually keep evolving, taking risks and putting ourselves out there. We have to do everything we can to propel ourselves forward, not backward and definitely not to stone. And we have to use everything that comes our way to motivate us. Even if it includes the negative like jealousy. It’s all up to use. We have total control. As you have told me time and time again Elle…you have to learn how to ‘own it’. Great post honey. xxx
Thanks Jodie! You are so right. It is all up to us and me have to OWN IT and use everything we can to keep moving forward because god knows it’s hard work isn’t it!